English Lakes Hotels Charity 3 Peaks Challenge
The fith in a series of guest blog posts from Tim Bell (General Manager of Lancaster House Hotel) and his team as they prepare for the ultimate British Mountain Challenge - Ben Nevis, Sca Fell Pike & Snowdon in 24 hours in aid of English Lakes Hotels sponsored charities Open Arms International and the Primrose House Trust. Follow the teams progress here and on Facebook. Sponsor the team via the JustGiving Open Arms International page, with a JustGiving Primrose House Trust page soon to follow.
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I have a theory, and whether there's an ounce of truth in it or
not, I'm going to share it with you.
The weather - that most
commonly used of subjects guaranteed to break the ice in any potentially awkward
silence when, let's face it, you've got naff all else to say, and the only thing
you have in common with the people in your immediate vicinity is that
you've
all got heads. (Well, you might have something on the tip of your tongue
worth sharing, but exposing your inner-most thoughts has got me in to a lot of
trouble in the past, particularly with
traffic wardens and
vegetarians, so let's stick to moaning about the
rain....again!)
I've never really been bothered about whether or not we
should be expecting south-westerly prevailing winds, or there's a 40% chance of
isolated showers. As long as the air was breathable and I wasn't going to be
savagely attacked by a malnourished (and very lost) polar bear as I left the
house, I was happy to step out in most conditions. However, ever since I decided
that trundling up a mountain was no longer
"an insane waste of oxygen",
and that the climatic conditions at 3300ft can genuinely mean the difference
between life and death, I now pay much closer attention to those forecasts as a
means of deciding where, and indeed
if I am going to venture out in to
the fells that day.
Invariably, one found oneself looking to the
oracle of truth, the
BBC for the low down. All I
wanted to know really was what temperature should I expect (i.e. will the brass
monkey's be singing "Soprano" come nightfall) and is it likely to precipitate in
some shape or form?
It wasn't until about my tenth solo walk that it
finally hit home.
Rob McElwee (the one whose tie never matches his
suit) and all the other disciples of the "Fish" (that's
Michael by the
way) are talking complete and utter pigswill! Never, ever have they been right
about the Lake District weather that day! "
You can expect a dry and pleasant
afternoon all round" they said - I got soaked and mild hypothermia!
"
Temperatures should be pretty mild for the time of year" - I got
frostbite and considered joining the
Ranulph Fiennes school of DIY
surgery by sawing off my own fingers off to prevent the spread of
gangrene!

So, what on earth is going wrong? Well, I reckon all the
traditional forecast templates have been saved on a memory card and then left on
a bus or something by a work-experience student. Or perhaps it's been poached by
ITV! Either way, since then a selection of 7 pre-determined
summaries must have been hurriedly drawn up by the
BBC (enough
to satisfy the
Countryfile programme) and are then drawn out of a top
hat.......by an ageing white rabbit called "
Flopsy".........who has a
scorching case of "mixi"........and cataracts!
Proof of this will be
backed up by my fellow 3-peakers who have had on more than one occasion,
justifiable reason to to fire endless sarcastic comments about me and my weather
predictions! "Don't shoot the messenger" would seem an apt headstone statement
should I drop down dead in the next few months!
And to prove my new theory, 3 weeks ago I headed out for a solo
stroll in to the "High Street" range of mountains in NW lakeland. The forecast
was one of doom and gloom, of heavy rain and impending nightmare conditions. The
meteorological equivalent of
Armageddon and the book of
Revelations all rolled in to one Hellish pit of precipitation! And do
you know what? It never happened! I had 3 and a half hours of mild conditions,
perfect clarity and no need to dig deep into the rucksack and put on the
waterproofs.
So, dare I put my neck on the line here and say to you all "
Whatever
the weatherman says, think the opposite?" Actually,
no! Don't even go there, because that's just stupid! The
weather up there will put a quick end to your life should you not respect it!
It's the luck of the draw really, so my advice is always go prepared.....for the
absolute worst, because at 3000ft in central Lakeland, there's a good chance
you're likely to get it! Been there, done that, got lost!

Last Sunday
however, my sister joined me for a stroll around the same aforementioned
mountain range, but this time the weather forecast was actually right. "
It's
gonna be warm, humid and sticky out there today". And do you know what? For
the first time, they hit the nail bang on the head! What a glorious advert for
how magnificent our country can be! Blazing sunshine, wonderful views over
England's roof and endless scope for thinking about how lucky we are to live in
such a beautiful part of the world. But at the risk of being shot down by you
all for being a
Victor Meldrew, I will say that it was perhaps a little
too warm for slogging
up a fell side for 2 hours. I have sweat
ducts in my head that would put the fountains in
Trafalgar Square to
shame. It starts somewhere in the scalp, then forms 2 main subsidiary rivers.
The first one follows the traditional route of down the forehead then splits
further again into 3 smaller streams. Two of them provide a salty, stinging acid
solution for each eye, and the other makes its way relentlessly down the nose
and eventually into the mouth whereby I get the pleasant aftertaste of Hair Gel
and Ambre Solaire Factor 25.

The second torrent of perspiration follows a more direct route down
the back of the neck, straight down the spine, and unless I'm wearing a plastic
tutu, straight into the valley of
Gluteus Maximus, which then doubles
up as a huge, abrasive sponge. The knock on effect of this will be the complete
erosion of one's skin, from the final vertebrae, due south right round to
the......erm......you get the picture!
Ok, ok, enough about the strange
water features of my body, let's get back to this Mountain challenge then shall
we? Well, as I write, it's literally just a few days before the Big Off. Indeed,
this may be my
final blog, who knows? All the preparations have been
made, every little last detail looked into and now all that's required to do is
bring in the funds. So, I'm pleased to report that both justgiving websites are
now up and running at
for
Open Arms International and for
Primrose House Trust.
Please drop by and donate whatever you can for these 2 great
charities. And remember, if you do leave us
£5 or more, you get the
opportunity to guess how long you think it will actually take us to complete the
challenge in Hrs:Mins:Secs. Remember to leave your guess in the message box and
the person who gets the closest to our actual completion time will
win a one night stay for 2 people, inclusive of Dinner in
any English Lakes Hotel. Tempted? You should be, because you can
see
the hotels here.
The
Facebook page is being updated regularly with pictures and more details about the challenge so join us if you can. We'll
also be updating the facebook page on the day with regular posts on where we
are, how we're doing, and more importantly - how we're feeling! We've managed to
secure a handy sized camcorder so expect a video with a difference shortly after
the event!
Well, that's just about it for now. Wish us luck, drop a few quid in if you
can and thanks for supporting us.
Tim & the 3-peakers
